Parenting is HARD! And anyone who tells you it’s not….is lying! Sure it’s rough being awake all night, arguing with a three year old going on 16, and trying to clean a house that is covered in fingerprints. But, I think one of the hardest things is worrying if you are doing it right or not!
I’m a big worry wort. I worry about everything. Even things that are silly to worry about. Becoming a parent just made me worry even more! I want what is best for my kids, never to see them hurt, and to give them the best life possible. That’s not too much is it???
Last fall, my husband and I had a heart to heart. We have lived paycheck to paycheck for years and while do fine, we never had room for extra. And we want extra for our kids! For them to be able to do after school activities, to take a vacation each year, to be able to never hear us talk about money!! We agreed when we first had kids, that I would stay at home. As a psychology major myself, and my husband having spent most his childhood in daycare, we wanted to do everything possible to keep them home with me. That meant I became a budget Queen and began working from home to pay off debt. And that was working fine!
We decided last fall though, that my husband would apply to get his Masters Degree so that 5 years down the road, we could offer our kids the type of future we want for them!! It’s been hard!! My husband is taking classes right now while working full time, and I’m working more to help replace his income when he needs to be in school full time next year. But that hardest part is on my kids. They only get to see their Dad two nights a week, for about 3 hours each night. And that is the worse!!!
Everyday during the week they ask how many days til the weekend. “Do we get to play with you and Daddy??” And the tears that have happened multiple times when I say No, it will just be Mommy. It makes me wonder, are we doing the right thing??? Will they care when they are adults that they didn’t get to play soccer or take a vacation? Or will they be thankful for this rough patch because of the bright future we are going to give them?
As a parent, it’s so hard to know which route is better! I know when I was a kid, we never took vacations and that was fine with me, but I also got to horseback ride and that was a passion of mine for many years!! I don’t want my kids to look back on life and wonder why they didn’t get to do something. But I also don’t want them not be able to see their Dad!! Its hard on them, but it also wears on me! I suffer from an autoimmune disease so I tire easily, I get sick easily, and I get stressed easily. I never want my disease to effect them though so when it’s the weekend, I try and always push through to take them to do fun activities….no matter how I feel! As every parent knows though, be the only one to help with homework, dinner, baths, story time, bed, getting ready for school and repeat everyday….it’s hard!!
At the end of the day, I remind myself that this too shall pass! My kids miss their Dad, but they are blessed with a wonderful Dad who is working hard to give them a wonderful future! My kids know I have a sickness, but they are blessed with a Mom who makes sure not to let that effect their childhood! And above all, they know without a doubt that they are loved beyond measure. In ten years I’ll ask myself again if this hard period was worth it, and hopefully my answer will be YES!
To all the parents struggling, wondering if you are doing the right thing, and questioning your decisions….remember you are doing the best you can and that’s all we can do as parents. And love them. Love them with all we have!!